


Expect As Much From You

by GotTheSilver



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-08-21
Packaged: 2017-11-12 14:05:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/491941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GotTheSilver/pseuds/GotTheSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt: "Avengers, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, when Tony was little he wanted to grow up to be Captain America."</p><p>Also known as: Tony Stark knows he has issues, but he's trying, okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expect As Much From You

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short fill for a prompt. And then Tony Stark's issues happened.
> 
> Very, very brief allusions to PTSD.
> 
> Title from The Gaslight Anthem - Great Expectations.

So, when Tony was a kid he possibly, maybe, wanted to be Captain America when he grew up. It wasn't all because of the way Howard talked about Cap – not entirely. Yes, Tony had sometimes felt like he was in the shadow of a man Howard had helped create before he'd ever thought about creating Tony, but that wasn't everything, wasn't the whole reason. Howard would spend hours in his study, watching reels of Captain America, drinking until he passed out. Tony came in, once, wanting to show Howard his latest creation. His mother had told him no, not to disturb his father, that he was working and Tony, he couldn't imagine that his father wouldn't want to see his work. He waited until Maria had gone to lie down before he pushed open the heavy door to the study and crept in, clutching his robot. Howard was already unconscious, he didn't wake up when Tony shook him and, later, Tony would see that as a blessing. Tony had looked around, his eyes were captured by the flickering on the projector screen and he was overwhelmed with the need to know what Howard had been watching, he had gravitated to to the projector, little hands fiddling with it until pictures appeared. He sat there for hours, playing the reels over and over again until his mother cracked the door open and called his name harshly, as if she was scared she would wake Howard.

Tony remembers being five years old – it had been his birthday, or close to his birthday, there had been a party, he knows that much. Howard had made off halfway through the day, and Tony had gone hunting for him. He'd found him in the study, Tony snuck in, nervous as all hell at seeing Howard still awake, had felt a sense of panic. But Howard had looked over and gestured for him to come over. Tony had spent the evening sitting at his father's feet, listening to him talk about the man he had known – Steve Rogers – and the symbol he had become. Tony had fought the tiredness he'd felt as the hours had gone on, something in him had known, even as a five year old, that he would not get another chance to have this moment with his father. Not the talking, Howard never missed a chance to talk about Captain America, but the feeling that Howard didn't just not mind Tony being there with him, he actually wanted him there. He doesn't remember falling asleep, but he remembers waking up the next day in his bed and his father had left for Washington. Tony had locked the memory of that night away, he'd gathered small posters of Captain America in secret and kept them in his room. If the housekeepers had ever told Maria about his stash, she had never let on.

Tony had known, instinctively, that there were good men and bad men and that he would have a choice to make as he grew up. He wanted to be good, wanted to be a good man like Captain America, like Steve Rogers, but he had something in him that threatened to overpower any good he had in him. It hadn't been fair, he'd never known how to fight back against it, never known how to make himself be good. There were struggles, Howard knew how to press his buttons and Tony – Tony couldn't help but push back, he'd learnt from the best, Howard had taught him well. Taught him how to destroy someone with sharp words, taught him how the Starks may make physical weapons, but that words had more power than anything they could ever build. Tony had spent his entire thirteenth birthday wondering if anything he did would ever be enough to please Howard, to impress Howard and he'd come to the conclusion, around the same time he reached the bottom of a bottle of scotch, that he would never be good enough. Would never be good.

After Howard died, Tony spent a lot of time wondering if their relationship would've been better if Tony hadn't been so smart, so quick to reach Howard's level and then blow past it. If Tony had ever been treated as a son instead of a project, a creation, an afterthought. Someone who Howard could've loved instead of seeing as a rival. Tony had already decided to leave New York, find somewhere to leave the shadow of Howard Stark behind and he could just be Tony. It took him less than a week afterwards to realise he would never be 'just Tony'.

Tony hadn't given a second thought to where the Captain America reels had ended up after he left. They're part of a past that Tony has no real desire to examine too closely. Things have changed, slightly, since - and he – maybe he wants the reels now and thinks that possibly Pepper will know where they are. Or Fury, Tony wouldn't put it past Fury to have commandeered parts of Howard's property if he'd deemed it relevant to SHIELD's interests. It's just, he wants to watch them again. Now that Steve has been unfrozen, now that he's living in the tower, Tony can't quite reconcile all the bits of Steve he saw in the reels, the stories Howard told him, with the guy Tony fought beside. Tony knows that the reels were propaganda, selling an image, an ideal, if anyone understands the selling of an image, it's Tony Stark. But – that goodness that Tony saw as child, it's in Steve now, Tony knows it. He's aware of the fact that the words they flung at each other were influenced by the tesseract, but it was ugly, hearing those words from Steve. Steve, who was possibly the only thing close to a hero Tony ever had.

And he knows, knows that Steve doesn't think that about him now. Steve's apologised, a lot, and Tony has accepted – he couldn't do anything but accept because the look on Steve's face, well, Tony has never been fond of kicking puppies. They've setted into – something, maybe a friendship, Tony's not great with working out if someone is his friend or not. Pepper and Rhodey have stuck around, and sometimes Tony's not sure why, but they have and he's fairly sure that if they were going to leave, they would've done so by now. But, Steve – Tony doesn't know how to get past the Howard shaped elephant that hovers around them whenever they're in the same room. Tony reacts badly to hearing about the version that Steve knew and Tony can't bring himself to talk about who Howard was to him because he will not have pity directed at him. He calls Pepper, she's still CEO – better than he ever was – but she's the only one Tony trusts to track down the reels. Her voice goes soft on him when he asks and Tony just hangs up because he knows what she's thinking and he can't take that softness from Pepper – not now.

It takes a few days, but Pepper comes through and the reels are delivered to the tower. Tony skips lunch with everyone to set things up, Dummy makes him a smoothie and Tony drinks it as he puts the first reel in. It takes a shamefully short amount of time before he's enthralled again, just like he was as a kid and Tony tells himself it's not Steve, it's the memory, despite his well publicised aversion to nostalgia, and that works for a moment. And then JARVIS lets Steve into the workshop without notifying Tony, and – shit – Tony realises that this looks a little weird. Steve's eyes are flickering between Tony and the projector screen, and Tony can see the questions in Steve's eyes as the reel stutters to the end. Tony wishes he had answers, he doesn't understand what he's doing, so he has no idea how he would begin to explain it to Steve. And, Steve, he just waits. Stands there and waits in the quiet and there's nothing but Steve, Tony and all the things they've never talked about.

“Where did you get them?” Steve's voice is soft, like he expects Tony not to answer.

“They were Howard's – moving back to the city, going through the remnants of the Stark empire, what I left behind after - well.” Tony is up, walking around the workshop because he needs to distract himself, needs to get Steve to stop looking at him like that because – oh Tony just does not want to deal with this right now, or ever. He'd be fine with never ever dealing with this. Because, maybe, while he wanted to be Captain America when he was a kid, that had twisted into far less innocent thoughts when he'd started noticing how often his mind drifted to his old Cap photo stash when he was jerking off. Which is really not what Tony wanted to be thinking about when faced with Steve, so, stopping that thought right now.

Steve's sat down on the couch, there's a strange look on his face, like he's lost and determined all at once and Tony doesn't know what to make of that. Dummy heads straight for Steve, reaching out for him and tugging at his sleeve, Steve just smiles and pats Dummy on the head before looking up at Tony. “Have you – did you watch them before? With him?”

“We sharing now, Cap? Really?”

“It was just a question, Tony.”

Tony bites out a grin at Steve and shakes his head. Dummy hasn't left Steve's side and – really – his robots like this man more than they like him. How is this even – Pepper keeps telling Tony he should be nicer to Steve and, Tony wants to be, wants to be the good man he thought he could've been when he was a kid. Too many fights with Howard, too much alcohol, a lot of reckless sex and somewhere along the line Tony lost that - knew he'd never be the person he'd dreamt of being as a kid. So he embraced the darker side of his personality and went the other way.

And then came the kidnapping. The betrayal. The things he didn't like to think about because then he would live in the workshop for longer than he should until JARVIS or Pepper refused to speak to him. After that, Tony started trying again, stopped producing weapons, stopped most of what made him awful to be around – until that whole blip with the palladium and, oh – Steve is waiting for him to talk.

“Yeah,” Tony sits on the couch, a safe distance away from Steve because Tony has tried to resist temptation before and it's never ended well. He likes temptation, truth be told. “I've watched them before. Howard – when I was a kid, y'know, he'd watch the reels.”

“Tony, you don't have to tell me if you -”

“Have you known me to talk if I don't want to? Exactly. One day, I snuck into the study, I wanted to show him, doesn't matter – he was passed out and, I sat there, watching the reels until my mother came to get me. He'd talk about you, well, Captain America – not you. Shit, you were this symbol when I was a kid, everything Howard Stark thought a man should be.”

“Tony -” Steve's face looks stricken.

Tony holds up a hand. “Stop whatever it is you're thinking, Cap, I've made peace with my daddy issues. The point, what I'm trying to say, is that the one time he told me about Steve Rogers the man, it wasn't that different from hearing about the icon. You were always so good in the stories he told and I – I was a wide eyed kid,” Tony looks down at his hands, his fingers are digging into the fabric of the couch. “Didn't take long for me to realise that wasn't the type of man I was.”

They're silent for a while, Tony watches Dummy roll around, attempting to do – something, Tony really has no idea – before Steve speaks. “I read your file, you know.”

“If it's the one Natasha wrote, I'd like to point out there extenuating circumstances – namely, I was dying – and I've -”

“Tony, no. Well, yes, I saw the one Natasha wrote, but there's more files than that about you at SHIELD. Plus -” Steve looks away, a flush on his cheeks. “I asked JARVIS to show me some things on the tablet you gave me.”

“If he showed you the sex tape, he's being reprogrammed.”

“He didn't -”

Tony waves a hand. “It doesn't matter. Look, there's a lot of things about me on the internet, not all of which are true -”

“Tony, I'm not one to -”

“- if you ever want to know something, just ask, I mean -”

“- judge you based on what strangers say, I know you -”

“- I may not answer, but -”

“- put on an act for people and I understand why -”

“- I'm not exactly great at sharing and, I could try to do better. With you. Wait, what? An act? I don't -”

“Tony -”

“I mean, people expect certain things, so I, but it wasn't -”

“Tony -”

“-an act.”

“Tony! Would you please just -” Steve waves his arm around and Tony shuts up. He's never heard Steve yell like that. He waits, curious, before Steve continues to speak. “I didn't mean you were an act. What I meant was – oh jeez – Tony, no one can live up to the image of Captain America. Most of the time I don't do that.”

Tony laughs and relaxes back into the couch. “Yesterday, you were late because you stopped to help a grandmother carry her groceries.”

Steve ducks his head. “That's not Captain America, that's just – she was struggling -”

“Exactly!” Tony snaps his fingers. “You don't even see it because you're so inherently – it doesn't even cross your mind not to help someone. Do you ever understand how rare -. As a kid, yeah, okay, I wanted to grow up to be Captain America, lots of kids did, but then I met you and – all these years I tried to – and it wasn't even. It was all you, it wasn't Captain America, it was Steve Rogers who,” Tony runs a hand through his hair. “It took me almost dying to change, to realise that I could spend the rest of my life trying to make up for the atrocities my company did with my name and it still wouldn't be enough, and you – you were like this from birth, weren't you?”

Steve smiles and leans back, his leg brushing against Tony. “Actually, my mother would've disagree with you on that. Sickly babies cry a lot.”

“So you've been a pain in the ass once in, what, ninety years?”

“You know,” Steve says, quietly. “Pepper told me that when you found out your weapons were being used against innocents, your first action was to stop it.”

“Pepper shouldn't be telling stories outside of school,” Tony sighs and shoots a glance at Steve. “What else did she tell you? What other tips and tricks for managing Tony Stark did she pass on?”

“It wasn't like that. She was, she thought I needed to know some things. Pepper, she just wanted me to know that you're a good man. Even without the armour.”

“Such a good man she had to leave me, right? No, ignore that, she made the right decision. I always – did she tell you that when I came back from that first mission she couldn't see past the bullet holes in the suit? And the amount of times I almost got her killed, well. I think her life was easier when I was a drunk.”

“I doubt she thinks that.”

“She left, didn't she?”

Tony watches Steve take that in and wishes he could go back in time and keep his mouth shut. When Steve came in to the workshop, Tony should've laughed it off, closed his mouth and made Steve leave, He should ignore the constant feeling in his stomach that always wants Steve to stay, ignore the ridiculous look on Steve's face that makes him want to tell Steve everything. Tony wonders if that look was enhanced by the serum, or if Steve had always been able to use his ridiculous – really, who has eyes that blue, and that face, fuck. It's not fair, it's really not. Steve's somehow moved closer, really close, Tony could move, but that would be – obvious and Tony, he did obvious, excelled at obvious, but not with this. Not when he turns his head and finds Steve's face so close to his own.

“Tony, you may not think so -”

“This is bad, I'm bad at, very bad in fact, at -”

“- but you are a good man and -”

“- relationships with people, I tend -”

“- if you weren't a good man, I -”

“- to screw things up really bad -”

“- wouldn't be down here, I wouldn't -”

“- I tend to offend, uh, everyone, even when -”

“- be trying to tell you that -”

“- I don't mean to. People really don't seem to -”

“- I kind of, Tony would you just -” Steve makes a frustrated noise and Tony – oh, okay, Steve's mouth is on his and, shit, that's good. Tony will deny making any sort of whimpering noise when he feels Steve's mouth open slightly and his hands – hands Tony knows could crush him – come up to gently cradle Tony's face. Tony gets with the program, finally, and his hands fist themselves in Steve's shirt, pulling him forward until he feels the weight of Steve against him, pressing him into the couch and, Tony – Tony needs to pull back and catch his breath before he passes out. So he does, and Steve's face is still right there, not even breathing heavy – which, bastard. Utter bastard. Steve's lower lip is swollen and Tony can't help but lean up and kiss him again quickly, because Tony has impulse control issues.

“Is this going to be your strategy of shutting me up? Because, while I'm in favour of this method, I can't see it going well in front of Fury and, really, he already thinks I'm a bad influence on you, so you may want to -” Tony breaks off because Steve is just staring at him with a small smile on his face. “What? What's that look? Did I do that look? Because I like that look.”

Steve laughs and rolls to the side, pressing himself against the back of the couch and pulling Tony with him. “What? Am I not allowed to be happy? Also, this couch is very comfortable.”

“Oh, you can be happy, I actively encourage it, especially if you're happy around me,” Tony shifts and sits up to look at Steve. “And, yes, this couch is very comfortable. It has to be, I spend a lot of time here, well, not this particular workshop, but workshops in general and this couch – I've always had this couch. I would, however, prefer it if we didn't sleep on this couch, I've done that and it doesn't hold pleasant memories, so can we,” Tony waves a hand in the direction of the door. “Go somewhere else? Not a – I don't mean a bed, we don't have to, although, for the record I'm firmly in favour of whatever you would want to do in a bed, but just a couch in a different room if you want?”

“Tony, do you really think I would've started this if I didn't want to end up in bed with you at some point?”

“Oh good, great.” Tony looks at Steve, there's this strip of skin showing above his pants and all Tony wants to do is lick it. He stands up to stop himself and Steve immediately follows him, crowding close to Tony and, okay, Tony's happy with wherever Steve wants to take this. Tony backs up and Steve follows him, a wide smile on his face. Tony laughs and the door to the workshop opens as he backs up against it. Tony turns and runs up the stairs, knowing Steve can outrun him, certain that he won't. Steve catches him in the hall near the main living room and Tony turns, willingly, reaching up to run his hands into Steve's hair, pulling him down to meet his mouth and, fuck, Tony could just climb him.

Steve seems to be on board with this because he's pulling Tony close and almost lifting him up. Tony shifts and a groan escapes him when he feels Steve's cock, hard and heavy, against him. “Steve,” Tony isn't sure how his brain is managing to function on any higher level, but. “Steve, we need to go somewhere where we won't -” Tony breaks off as he hears someone clear their throat. Steve freezes and Tony turns, Steve's arms still around him. Natasha is standing a few feet down the hall, an eyebrow raised at them. She looks wholly unsurprised and Tony is going to investigate that later, did everyone know that he and Steve were headed for this, and why didn't anyone tell him?

“You know, if you're planning on having sex in the hallway, you might consider locking us out.” Natasha leans against the wall, watching them, as amused as Tony thinks she ever gets.

Tony smirks. “Wouldn't work, the tower is coded to all of you, even when locked. You'll just have to live with it,” Tony can feel Steve silently laughing behind him, his face is buried in Tony's neck and the little puffs of his breath are sending shivers down Tony's spine. “However, we were on our way, somewhere,” Tony starts to walk towards the elevator. “So, no naked Steve for you.”

Steve follows him into the elevator and turns to face Natasha, mouthing apologies as the door closes. Tony isn't sure who Steve thinks he's fooling with that act because as soon as the doors close, he's back on Tony and, jeez, whoever thought Captain America would be so damn eager. Well, Tony did think that maybe, possibly, he would, but he's willing to admit that was based more on fantasy than any actual evidence. Somewhere between Steve sucking a mark on to Tony's neck and Tony working his hand down the back of Steve's pants - that is an ass made for groping, Tony is sure of that - they make it to Tony's bedroom. And Tony's brain shuts off, because Steve has tugged his shirt over his head and is lounging on Tony's bed like he belongs there.

Tony stands at the edge of the bed, legs pressed up against it and, he's not normally like this, he's normally so impatient, but this – this is Steve and Tony can't bring himself to rush anything. But Steve's head is on Tony's pillow and he's staring up at Tony with this look and Tony groans, climbing onto the bed because, again, impulse control issues. Tony's on his side, one leg hooked over Steve's body and Tony can't help but explore, watching, storing Steve's reactions. The way he bites his lip when Tony trails his hands along his stomach, the way his body jerks, slightly, when Tony presses a kiss to his chest. Tony's brain is on overdrive, he loves this, loves wrapping himself in someone and finding out how to make them squirm and Steve, he's a fucking dream. Tony lifts his head and watches Steve's mouth fall open, his neck arch, as Tony licks a hand before slipping it inside Steve's pants, palming his cock.

Steve's hands twist in the sheets and Tony grins, kisses Steve's neck as he works him. Tony can't bring himself to reach up and kiss Steve's mouth because that would mean cutting off the fucking beautiful sounds escaping from him. Breathless sighs, moans, stuttered words that Tony drinks in and – he could live off this, really, he could. Steve spread out just for him and Tony has to move, slightly, so he can twist around and push down Steve's pants because he has to, wants to, needs to see this. Steve groans as he does, pushes his hips up until Tony's hand is on him again and Steve - he's saying Tony's name over and over. Tony can't resist, leans over and licks up Steve's cock and apparently that's it for Steve because he's coming and Tony, well, he ends up with come in his goatee. Which – not the first time that's happened, and the sight of Steve breathing heavy and practically melting into the bed - that's worth anything.

Tony wipes his face on Steve's sweatpants thrown at the end of the bed before crawling up Steve's body. He looks down at Steve and smiles, because, hair mussed, eyes blown wide, lips red and swollen – that's a good look for Steve. “Hi.”

There's a soft smile on Steve's face as he meets Tony's eyes. “Hi,” He flexes his hands before running them under Tony's tshirt. “Can I?”

“I'm about two seconds away from humping your leg in a very undignified fashion, so, yes. Whatever you – holy shit!” Somehow Tony's shirtless and on his back and even with the super serum, Tony's not sure how Steve moved so fast, but he's damn sure he'll be investigating that at a future date. With even less clothing. Steve hovers above him, the light from the arc reactor casting a pale blue light across Steve's face and Tony can see Steve looking at it with wonder on his face. Tony has never – since Obie - he's never, not even with Pepper, been comfortable with people touching the arc reactor. It's not a matter of trust, it's all on him, he freezes up if anyone even tries. Pepper, she tried to get him to talk about it, but gave up after his numerous deflections, and he can't blame her, not really. Steve's not even making a move to touch it and Tony, he's seen how Steve reacts to seeing snow and ice and, yes, okay, yes, Tony knows what this is.

“Steve, hey, Steve. You can, it's okay, I don't want you not to -” Tony breaks off because these words, he can't. “I think, if it's you.”

And Steve, he just lowers his head and kisses where Tony's skin meets the arc reactor. Tony's breath stutters because there's very little in his life that he can truly call a new experience and this – his hand comes up and rests against the back of Steve's neck, the touch grounding him as Steve continues to touch the skin around the arc reactor. Hands and lips trace scars, it's not erasing all of Tony's fears, all of the terrible, awful memories he has, but it's helping to create something new, something positive for Tony to think of when his mind gets tied in knots.

As Steve's touch gets less tender and more filthy, Tony squirms, forcing his hips up to grind against Steve. Tony still has his jeans on and he can hear the rasp of the fabric against Steve's skin as he moves. “Fuck, Steve, I need to -” Tony presses his fingers against the base of Steve's skull and groans as Steve looks up, eyes blown wide.

“Yeah, yes. Whatever you need, Tony.”

Steve shifts off Tony and unbuttons Tony's jeans, lifting him with one hand to pull them off and, oh, being manhandled by Steve is a whole new level of hot that Tony cannot wait to explore later. Steve's just watching him and Tony, he's not averse to seeing if Steve can make him come just by looking at him, but right now he needs to be touched. Tony reaches down and takes himself in hand, locking eyes with Steve as he does so. Steve bites out a moan and gently covers Tony's hand with his own, Tony shudders and moves his hand away, relishing in the feel of Steve's hand on his cock. Steve swirls his thumb around the head before spreading pre-come down Tony's shaft, and Tony's biting his lip, trying to hold back from spilling words because he's done so much kinky stuff, with people he can barely remember, but he's never felt as exposed as he does right now. Every nerve ending feels raw, each time Steve touches him, Tony feels like his skin is vibrating, feels like choking out words he shouldn't be saying, not so soon, not when he hasn't earnt them. Tony's shoving his hips up, his cock hot and heavy slipping through Steve's hand and Steve, his mouth is wide open as he slides up, pressing his mouth against Tony's. It's more like sharing breath than it is a kiss and, somehow, it's that which makes Tony slide over the edge, gasping against Steve's mouth as he comes.

When Tony gets his brain working again, he's staring up at the ceiling, Steve's hand is splayed over the arc reactor and his head is resting next to Tony's, his nose nestled against Tony's temple. He's not asleep, he's holding himself too carefully for that. Tony turns on his side to face Steve and his throat closes up as he sees the look on Steve's face. Tony doesn't think anyone has ever looked that content in his bed, of course, there haven't been many that have stuck around long enough for Tony to see what their post-coital faces looked like, but Steve's face is. Okay, yeah.

Steve's eyes narrow as he examines Tony's face. “You still think I'm going to leave.”

It's not a question and Tony doesn't quite know how to respond because, he does think that, he can't help it, it's his natural reaction whenever anyone gets close to him. He hopes, he always hopes, it's the reason Pepper sometimes gives him this look, like he's a child who hasn't learnt that people suck yet. Which is not true, Tony knows people suck, but he wants to see the best in people because he wants them to see the best in him. Tony knows that Steve won't leave, he does know that, but his armour isn't the suit, it's the skin he wears every day. He's built that up so much over the years, that he finds it hard to break out when he wants to. And Tony wants to, he doesn't want to fuck this up because he can't be a real boy. The thought of sharing all of who he is with Steve makes him want to run, because Tony knows what he hides behind his words, behind his smirks and – it's hard to believe anyone would still want to be with him after they find that out.

Steve has rested a hand on Tony's arm, and he's just waiting patiently for Tony to get out of his own head. He meets Tony's eyes and closes the small distance between them, kisses Tony so chastely it gives Tony an ache in his chest that has nothing to do with the arc reactor. Tony sighs into it and feels Steve shift on to his back. He's pulling Tony with him, rearranging him until Tony's head is resting on Steve's chest, tucked in underneath his chin and Tony, he can't help but enjoy being manhandled by Steve. There's a contrast there, knowing the strength Steve has, feeling how gentle his hands are when he comes to touch Tony, and Tony loves it, absolutely fucking loves it. Steve's waiting, still, Tony can feel it somehow and he's so tired, but he needs, he has no idea what will come out of his mouth, he rarely does, yet somehow it works and. “I don't think you're going to leave, though I can't ever think of reasons why people stick around, but, you, shit, if you say you're not going to leave, I believe you, I can't accept it, but I believe you.” Tony doesn't know how much of that Steve even understood, he's muttered it into Steve's neck and, oh Tony is too tired for this.

“When you fell out of that portal, before you –“ Steve's voice is low and steady and Tony is trying so hard to stay awake. “There was nothing I could do. I'd read the file, I knew that the arc reactor kept you alive, somehow, but I had no idea what to do if it went out, if you. All Fury had done was give me a file and tell me there was a mission, and then you appeared and you turned it around. Showed me there were layers to what Fury tells people. Despite your brashness, I figured I could trust you to be honest with me if I ever needed it,” Steve clears his throat. “And then you were just lying there and, for all that I was, I couldn't do anything. For all I knew, I'd make it worse if I tried. All I could think was that I wouldn't get a chance to apologise for what I said in the lab. That I wouldn't be able to tell you that I was wrong, and you were a hero. A good man. Of course,” A hint of amusement colours Steve's voice. “I hadn't counted on the Hulk being able to scare you back to life.”

“Wasn't scared.” Tony feels the need to protest this. He's fully aware that might not be the point Steve is trying to make.

“Tony. I knew you were a difficult person, knew that if I wanted to be let in your life I'd have to push and I knew it would be worth it. You talk about me being a good person, but you, you're so vibrant. We didn't all move in here just because it was free -”

“Clint did.”

“Even Clint. You don't even realise what you did here, do you? You gave us all a reason to stay in New York. Gave us reasons to stick together as a team. If you hadn't treated Bruce like he was normal, he would be back in India, running. Instead he has a life here, with people he can call friends. You gave me somewhere to be where I wouldn't be poked and prodded by medics every day. A place where I can be Steve, not Captain America. I can watch films all day without a shrink assuming I'm depressed.”

“That's what they thought?” Tony lifts his head slightly to look at Steve's face before he settles back down. “That's completely illogical.”

“Try telling that to SHIELD. Look, I know it'll take more than me telling you this to get you to believe it. Maybe you never will. But you are a good man. I see it every day.”

Tony sighs and moves his hand around until it finds one of Steve's hands. He threads their fingers together. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Steve laughs. “Really, Tony?”

“Yeah. Okay,” Tony grins against Steve's neck, knowing he can feel it, enjoying this playfulness. “If you think I'm a good man, I believe you.”

Steve squeezes Tony's hand. “No you don't. But you will.”

That quiet belief makes Tony feel things he hasn't felt in a long time, possibly ever. He's not used to this, not used to people blindly believing in him, having faith in him like this. It's utterly terrifying and he's fighting the urge to tell Steve to run away. Fighting the urge to go out, find a bar and drink until his brain switches off. He doesn't want Steve to be wrong about him because that would mean he lets Steve down, disappoints Steve and that's a short jump away from hurting Steve and, Tony - he wouldn't survive that. Tony isn't convinced he's the man that Steve thinks he is, but possibly – one day – he can be, and he wants Steve to be around when that happens. So, maybe Tony didn't grow up to be Captain America but he can still grow up to be a good man. Because Captain America, because Steve Rogers, believes in him, and that's enough for Tony.


End file.
